Little One
by ElectroGirlNoir
Summary: A baby is found at The Shaman Lodge. But if it isn't mortal and it isn't Shaman, what is it, exactly? And whose is it? There is too much going on in this to really explain in a summary, if I'm honest.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**** Hello! :D To help with writer's block I'm writing something a little different. Before you start reading I have to apologise for this not being a very long or exciting chapter, but I didn't have time to finish it so had to cut it short, cos I want to make sure it's good before I go writing more, so please review! :D**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own The Mighty Boosh; it is the love child of Ju and Noel :D**

**Warnings: Can't remember if there's language... **

**Little one**

No-one wants to get up early on a Monday, and Dennis didn't even more so. Shaman Mondays meant long meetings in which hours were spent discussing council matters, and it always ended up as less of a discussion and more of a shouting match which_ he_ was left to resolve.

'Dennis...'

'Ugh...'

'Dennis.'

'Ngh...'

'_Dennis_! Wake up!'

'... Oog...'

'Do you want breakfast, or no?'

'...Ug?'

Mefusula stopped jabbing at her husband with a long fingernail painted rose pink and placed her hands on her hips, a slight smile forming on her lips.

'You soon wake when you are wanting me to make breakfast...'

'Mefusula, my dear, you are wrong,' Dennis mumbled into the pillow, without much sincerity at all.

'Wrong?' She raised an eyebrow as well as the pitch of her voice, and pulled open the curtains, early morning light flooding their bedroom.

The Head Shaman grumbled and dragged himself out of bed, his eyes widening as he saw what his wife had on as she stood in front of the window, which was the alluring sight of not much at all, really.

'Mefusula: the neighbours!' He grabbed a robe and hastened to stand in front of her and shield her from the full view of the window, forgetting about his own, complete nakedness until it was too late.

Sometimes, it was difficult having an Extreme Sports Calendar Model wife.

'I have a calendar shoot in ten minutes, so if you are wanting breakfast...'

'_I am_ wanting breakfast; I am wanting breakfast a lot!'

'Then put on your clothings!'

**XXX**

The stretch carpet pulled up to pick up Dennis at the same time Mefusula left in a hurry.

'Awwwwwwww, Mrs 'aitch used to 'ave a little wiggle to her step like that...' Harrison commented as the shamans watched her hurry off.

Dennis shot the Xooberonian a look as he climbed aboard the carpet, 'Harrison, if I catch you looking at my wife like that again, I will cut you in two with my sword,' he said simply, as if telling him the weather report for the day as he locked the house door with a click of his fingers, '... I'll drive,'

There was a silence for only a few seconds as the carpet glided through the air, before it was broken by Saboo.

'A wiggle in her step?'

'Awwwwwwwwwwwwh! I knew it, 'ere we go! I was timin' ya, seein' 'ow long it'd take ya to 'ave a little go!' Harrison rolled his eyes.

'Fine then, forget it,' Saboo dismissed, 'We'll only-'

'Nah, go'un then!'

'No, you'll only-'

'No, I wanna 'ear what you have to say, I wanna hear your opinion...'

Saboo sighed, 'Fine. I was simply going to say that Mrs H did not have a wiggle in her step; she wiggled, full stop,'

'Ohhhhhh, so that's it is it, you were checkin' 'er out all that time were you? Checkin' out 'er step?'

'Don't be ridiculous! She doesn't have a step, she has a... _print_!'

'Please,' Dennis held up a hand, 'Let's not start yet, we haven't even arrived at the lodge...'

'They've been naggin' all mornin'...' Naboo grumbled, 'En't they Kirk?'

'Yes.'

''E's just 'ad a pop at me wife!' Harrison exclaimed.

'_Ex _wife...' Saboo corrected.

Dennis sighed; the quarrel heralded the start of a long Monday.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** **Chapter Two! :P**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own the Boosh. Yeah. How 'bout that.**

**Warnings: ... hm... none. **

'Hm, there appears to be an infant on the table,'

It was an interesting development, that was for sure.

The shamans approached the table in the clearing with precise caution, eyeing the small bundle wrapped in a pink blanket. It let out a small 'waa' and nearly everyone took a step back again.

'What y' doing?' Harrison exclaimed, 'It's a tot, not an unattended package! Someone pick the kid up!'

'What are you on about, Tony Harrison; you don't know the first thing about babies!' Saboo hissed in a whisper.

'Well that's where yer wrong. I'll 'ave you know I've fathered several litters!"

'Aw, God, what- several _litters_? _That_, my friend, is not something I wanted to hear!'

'What, now you're insultin' me brood are ya? You gonna go there squire? Gonna feel the back o' me tentacle as a result?'

'No, it's simply the thought of you _mating _several... _things_ that makes me want to hurl my breakfast across the room-'

'Awwwwwwww, there's no need to upset yerself cos you ain't dynamite in the bedroom, it's not my fault I've got a multi-hexagonal-alien-barbed-'

'_**Please**_**!**' Dennis raised both hands, 'There is a baby in our midst!'

One of the shamans, a green female witch to be precise, had already picked the baby up, 'Aw, en't she gorgeous? You know, I always wanted a little girl, but two boys is enough...'

'It might be a changeling,' Saboo told her.

'It en't, I'd know-'

It was at that moment that the baby started to wail at the top of its lungs, piercing the silence, and a minute of panic commenced whilst the shamans tried to stop her.

'Peek-a-boo!'

'Where's the baby... there she is!'

'She's hungry, maybe?'

'I don't know.'

'Nappy needs changing?'

'... Nope,'

Then Tony Harrison looked over at Dennis who was standing awkwardly by a chair.

'Oy, Denzel, you 'old 'er, you're tall, dandle the kid about a bit...'

Everyone seemed to think this was a good idea.

'Oh, no, er... I really don't think...' Dennis tried to protest but the baby was plonked in his arms, and the instant she was there, she stopped crying.

'Awwwwwwww! See, she's likes ya!'

'Hm, well, yes, er...' The Head Shaman cleared his throat nervously and moved to hand the baby carefully back to the witch, 'There we are...'

However, the instant she was handed back she started to cry again, even louder than before, and she was hastily given back to Dennis where she was instantly silent.

She looked up at him with fierce curiosity before smiling.

'Shouldn't we be looking for _the mother_?' Saboo said, folding his arms.

Nervously, Dennis looked down at the baby again.

'Er... hello there... Little One...'

It was going to be a very long Monday indeed.


End file.
